Asking Myself Why…

I have been struggling with something lately.  Well, struggling is not quite the right word. Perhaps I mean that I have been wondering about something lately, frustrated even. My brother – the man who molested me when I was so young – why do I keep wanting his approval? Why do I keep trying to … More Asking Myself Why…

Finding Brave

“The bravest thing I ever did was run.” These lyrics to a song by Little Big Town have really struck my heart. I have never felt in my whole life that running away was ever the right thing to do… until I had to do it. But I never thought of it as brave – necessary maybe, … More Finding Brave

A Decision Made

This saying really touched me, although I don’t think it’s really about winning. Family is such a precarious thing. What’s the saying – family is family?  This is true but it doesn’t exist in a capsule free and separate from trauma, selfishness, or boundaries being inexplicably and cruelly crossed. I believe, somehow after everything, that … More A Decision Made

This Christmas….

This has not been a banner holiday year for me. I am trying to wear the smile and trying to feel the holiday spirit, but it is eluding me thus far. There is just so much this year: continued estrangement from my son, family issues, health issues, the first anniversary of the loss of our … More This Christmas….

On The Way Down…

I need some emotional support this morning, my friends. I am in a dark place. It has come on rather suddenly, as in the last few days.  I figure the holidays have something to do with it but I feel it worse right now than in many holiday seasons past, since all the family drama. … More On The Way Down…

Latent Anger

Today is Veterans Day and I am finding that it has unfortunately brought out some latent anger in me.  My estranged son is in the Navy and this day always brings out bad emotions. I was listening to the radio this morning and the DJ’s were talking about Veterans Day and how we should be thankful for those … More Latent Anger

Catching Up

I’m sorry that I have been away for so long. Sometimes it seems like I have so much to say yet can’t put it into words anymore. Let me catch y’all up on how things are. I started a new job – and for the first time in about 7 years, it’s a good one! … More Catching Up