About Me

Welcome to my blog!  My story started at the age of 6 years old when my brother started sexually molesting me; he was 12 years older than me.  It may have started before that but my first memories are from then.  He stopped when he got married and moved away 3 years later.  When I was 10, my father started molesting me.  I told my mother a couple weeks later (about my brother years later) and basically my family covered up both.  Although the abuse had stopped, I was forced to “stay” a family and I grew up with them all as if nothing had ever happened.  My family protected the abusers and not the victim.

I got pregnant at 18 and had a son.  I broke off the engagement with his father half way through my pregnancy – it turned out that we were so very wrong for each other and I didn’t want to put my child through an inevitable divorce.  One night during my pregnancy, all the details of the incest came rushing back.  I hadn’t forgotten; I had just never dealt with it; apparently pregnancy can sometimes bring it all out.  I started crying and couldn’t stop.  After having my son, I fell into what my doctor said was postpartum depression combined with PTSD of starting to deal with the abuse of my childhood.  I won’t go into the details on this page but this started a chain of events in my life that ultimately almost broke me.   It brought me to varying levels of estrangement from my parents and siblings, and even my son.  And in the midst of it all, my father died unexpectedly.  But in a black hole of pain, I somehow fought my way out and have begun the path to healing.

We all experience tragedies in life, some more than others.  I know I feel like I have had more than my fair share. This blog will share my experiences, explore each further and hopefully open up a comment forum for others to join in the conversation.  I am no one special – I am just a woman who has been to hell and back, and who always wished there was someone out there who could truly understand.

I felt so alone for so long but I know there are people everywhere struggling with these issues.  Whether you just want to comment or want to share your story, this site is here to offer mutual support.  My hope is that we can all help each other!

Please – keep your comments kind as you never truly know what someone else has been through, what frame of mind they are in or what led them to where they are; we all handle, say and do things differently in the face of trauma.  I want this blog to help people, not destroy them.  Let’s all be kind to one another.

98 thoughts on “About Me

  1. I can never imagine what you’ve gone through and it saddens me to read about it.
    But I admire your spirit and your outlook towards life. I’ve often experienced it myself that sometimes, just the kindness of people you do not know and their support restores your faith in life and many times, they prove to be saviors, providing hope when you’ve lost it all. I hope WP does that to you, and I wish you all the very best in your life, and I hope that you get what you want ❤
    Akanksha

    Liked by 2 people

    1. “I’ve often experienced it myself that sometimes, just the kindness of people you do not know and their support restores your faith in life…” There is so much truth in this! Thank you for your kind words. It is encouragement like this that keeps me going! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Opening up is so beneficial to healing, as is helping others, and as is developing a support network. It’s good to see you’ve figured this out and are well on your way to healing.
    Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your blog is a beautiful reflection of triumph. You are so strong, and courageous for enduring and also for sharing. I truly believe silence kills and respect you so much for creating a public forum where others can feel safe in knowing they are not alone. I love your humble, kindness and am happy that you shared a piece of yourself at Letters of the Mind blog project. I would not have discovered you otherwise.

    I want to especially point out this beautifully crafted word of wisdom, “Please – keep your comments kind as you never truly know what someone else has been through, what frame of mind they are in or what led them to where they are; we all handle, say and do things differently in the face of trauma.” I try to live by that each and every day. I try to keep it in mind when someone hurts me as well. No one truly knows another’s life.

    Be well,

    Memee

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your kind words have touched my heart deeply. Thank you so very much. When I started this blog, I didn’t think I would ever have actual followers. To my humble amazement, so many people understood me and what I have been through. I have needed them and to my surprise, they needed me as well. I thought I would find judgement but instead found compassion and empathy. My “words of wisdom” came from the heart. All my life, too many people have misunderstood me and then judged me and some have even walked away. As I have come to understand what I have been through and how it affected me, I have also come to understand that some of the biggest smiles or the most silent hearts are the way they are because of a hidden pain that no one can see. That was me and I know for a fact it is so many others as well. That’s why I try to be kind and try not to judge anyone. I wish everyone could follow that same path. Hugs to you sweetness!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You are so strong. I admire you for all you must have gone through (and still go through) to overcome such a painful past. Nothing justifies the struggles you have been through, but know that you are at least using it for something positive by reaching out to others and sharing your story through this blog. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Awe. Ok. Mostly there are more notes there. Mostly I share about my healing journey… I have written a few books… not the details of my struggles but the healing part. I don’t mind sharing that part and enjoy sharing a little more with people individually.. but I wanted to share this part. ❤ Feel free to email. Love to you — Laurie

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Sarah, it’s just a guess, but when I write about abused children I am writing about myself. And the fact that you are reaching out and sharing this is an indication of a very positive direction.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. By using your difficult past experiences to help others tells me everything about your good caring strong character. Very well done indeed and thank you.

    ps I was in Court yesterday for the 55th time but it was cancelled as once again my Daughter in Law did not attended the Court as she used the same excuse last year that my Granddaughter was unwell. One must ask who teaches these Mothers all the delay tactics? I know just please take time to review that situation. P A is no longer about the Children ad far as some individual and agencies are concerned, it is a game, yes a game about the power of GENDER.

    FOR GOIDNESS SAKE PA MUST BE ABOUT THE DAMAGE DONE TO CHILDREN AND HOW WE ACTIVELY TREAT THE WHOLE FAMILY.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words. It’s more appreciated than you know. And I am sorry to hear about your situation – it really does irk me. Some people just don’t realize that by trying to hurt their ex, they are also hurting their own children. It disgusts me…

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  7. I think you left a comment on my blog this morning, but it has since disappeared. Sigh. But thanks for the kind words. I know I’m not alone, but I feel incredibly alone and abandoned.

    Hugs,
    donnamarie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmmm, I don’t think it was me; I wasn’t in my reader yesterday. But on another note – you most certainly are NOT alone, even though I know it sure feels that way sometimes. You have people out there (here) who hear you and who care. 🙂

      Like

  8. You are not alone and your courage to write about your past is appreciated to anyone who has been through this. When we find out that others have been there too, it heals more than any psychologist, doctor or drug can ever do. Thank you for your story, I look forward to reading more. You are an inspiration.

    Like

  9. I am a little too honest that is what people tell me and sometimes I come out as rude. After reading your post I feel its necessary to be the way I am. There are a lot of people to comfort but very few to look you in the eye and tell the truth. You have been through enough and you have come out of it all because of your efforts. Tell your story and don’t seek for approval because what you did very few can and most people won’t understand that. you’ve fought all your life fearlessly then why are you being afraid of opinions of strangers who probably can’t even imagine what feels like to be in such depression and going through such trauma. Go ahead tell your story, publish your book, help people and most importantly help yourself by doing the greater good. Rest of the world doesn’t matter it is YOU who does.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And see, I love what you have written hear. I will say thought that although i have fought all my life, it was not fearlessly. I am filled with so much fear all the time that it can suffocate me sometimes. I just refuse to let it hold me down anymore. But you are right, I need to stop caring so much what others think, and I am trying. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. On one hand you admit you have fought all your life and according to what I have read about you, you have did it single handed. Look back at what you did and be proud, know how strong you are. I could not have done what you did. I have become strong but had to pay a big cost. I can’t be as empathetic as I used to be. You are magnificent and you know that your fear is holding back and from what I gather I know that you will definitely overcome it.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. It has just been recently that I can look back and see my strength. I didn’t notice fully it until I one day stepped up and faced certain fears, the ones that were mostly holding me down. I think we all need to be proud of what we have come through, big or small. I am sure you have done things that I would have a hard time doing. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses. Thank you for being so open and honest with me. I think you are more empathetic than you know.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Please don’t say that. First, it is about both of us, it is about everyone trying to just live and get by. “If I had been any good I wouldn’t be where I am.” I don’t believe that for a moment. I always considered myself to be a very good and caring person and yet people I loved hurt me, threw me away and now act as if I don’t exist. Where that led me was not because I wasn’t good, it was because life and the people in it just aren’t fair sometimes. Yes, I could have done things differently too, but those are the lessons we all have to learn.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I believe in Karma and that means if I suffer that is because I deserve it. Anyways thank you so much for being so kind and patient with me and sharing such positive vibes. i am grateful 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  10. I don’t know what to say. I’m so, so sorry this happened to you – by two people who are meant to love, trust and protect you above all others.
    And even more than that, I’m so sorry that when you told your mother, it was all “pushed” away, and the abusers were protected, not you.
    That’s despicable.
    I’m so sorry for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. First of all, thank you for reading my post and following my blog. I appreciate the support and having people read what i write! Secondly, thank you for sharing your story. I was also sexually abused, and through my blog I try to touch on the subject and find healing through writing, but i haven’t been able to actually share my story or put it into words. I admire you for being able to write so open and honestly about it, and for not being afraid to put it out there for others to find strength and support through you. Keep it up 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words of support. I don’t think I could have put it out there a couple years ago. It had to come in its own time I think. I will say that as I write, I often feel a huge emotional weight lifting of me. Sometimes certain parts of my life I have written about have hit me hard, but then I actually started dealing with it, thinking logically about things, beginning to be able to let go. I hope the same for you someday my dear! HUGS!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I am truly sorry for what has happened to you. The only thing I can begin to understand is the blocking of memories. That’s our defense mechanism when we cannot handle things, isn’t it? and yes its very important that we are here to support one another 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      1. You are welcome. It is probably because as a child you didnt know that you stand a chance to be judged or losing friends which an adult mind tends to think. 🙂 Still you are stronger.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Hi Sarah,

    I want to thank you for sharing. I used to think my childhood was strange and unfortunate. You see, I don’t have stories of abuse or mistreatment. Just loneliness in many ways. I have learned in my adult years how fortunate I truly am. What you have shared is hard to hear but important. I wish you the very best. Keep being just who you are, not what others would have you be. And may the rest of your journey bring you the peace and serenity that you deserve.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Thanks a lot for stopping by my blog and following, I truly appreciate that. I am glad you did so because that gave me the chance to visit yours. I firmly believe that pain and suffering is what defines an individual. I am truly sorry for what you had to go through and I understand that some things in our life make a significant impact on us and are hard to forget but I am sure your decision to share your stories will help many others and yourself in this healing process. Take good care and I hope to talk more in future. Have a wonderful day.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hello Karen! Although I am so sorry to hear that you have the same struggle, I am very happy to meet you. My blog has been a great source of healing for me and it appears yours is for you as well. I have found so many wonderful and courageous women through sharing our writing and stories. I will definitely check out your blog more! HUGS to you my dear!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Raw is definitely the right word. I knew if I was going to write that it needed to be open and honest, otherwise what’s the point? You have to be truly honest with yourself and others before healing can truly begin.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. There are people out there who truly understand – as you mentioned we have our struggles – me being one of them. And like you, I too came out of that black hole. I appreciate your honesty and look forward to more of your words. Thanks for following my blog, I truly appreciate it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Thank you so much for sharing – this is exactly what we need in order to take away the darkness and the shadows that keep us trapped in them. Blessings to you, your bravery, your compassion, empathy and resiliency. I know that by sharing and talking about these things will bring us back into the light, not as victims or even survivors – but as Lifers – you choose life! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Oh my, Sarah, you really have been through a lot! Our lives do have so much more in common than the loss of our fathers. I feel your pain in your writing! You are very brave and strong, even though it doesn’t always feel that way to you, I am sure, at times. And I know that bravery and strength are from a bittersweet place of pain and struggle! Losing a parent, a sibling, or a child when they are still alive is an anguish that has no words. When you lose them through death, you can at least grieve and feel your love for them and theirs for you. But, when you lose them like this it is an abandonment like none other! My heart goes out to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! You’re correct – you don’t get to truly grieve with abandonment, because you are always questioning and asking “why”. You can move on but the questions will always remain. I will have to go to your blog and read some older posts. Hugs to you sweetness!

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m so very glad you stopped by my blog so I could find my way back to yours Sarah. Survivors have a way of finding one another! Blogging has saved my life. I never dreamed that one day I’d be advocating for child sex abuse survivors and child abuse prevention. Just as sexual abuse manifests itself in very negative ways, many positive things happen when we begin healing from it. Keep writing, blogging, reaching out!

    Liked by 4 people

  19. I can not say that I know how you feel but trust me I understand your pain. Being sexually molested by people who are supposed to protect you is not something you would want. I can tell how it feels. You are so brave and strong. You amaze me. My support is there with you. My best regards to you. xHugsx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so incredibly much! I have come along way in healing, but also have a lot further to go. I have been at the lowest points and somehow risen from them. I think the hardest thing about my whole life is being hurt by those who were supposed to love me the most. My thoughts are with you and whatever you have been through and are dealing with. HUGS!!!

      Liked by 2 people

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