When You Just Aren’t Worth It

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I apologize for my more emotional posts lately. Mother’s Day hit me hard and brought back a lot of old hurts. Even after acceptance of a situation or circumstance, you can still feel hurt. I don’t think certain hurts ever truly go away.

My son sent just a simple text saying only ‘Happy Mother’s Day’. Nothing more, not even an ‘I love you’. I guess it’s more than I used to get but I was so hopeful that our reconciliation would move further forward, especially now that my grandchild was born. My 30-year-old stepson, who I raised since he was 8 and who just moved out of our house this year, only sent a text as well, except his was an afterthought late at night and I didn’t even get it till the next morning. I never expected to see my son since he lives states away, but my stepson lives just a couple a miles away. So from neither did I receive a phone call, gift, or even just a simple card for damn Mother’s Day.

I broke down yesterday in tears, hit with feelings of worthlessness and emptiness. I felt unloved, unwanted and unappreciated. All I could think was – I’m just not worth it to them, to my sons, to my siblings, to anyone other than my husband. After all I have done for and given to so many people in my life, they took it all and walked away. I’ll never understand it.

I had to pull myself out of that funk before I lost myself. For a short period of time yesterday I swear I actually felt my heart shrink. I know that’s not possible but I felt it all the same. The good parts of me wanted to go away – the love, the loyalty, the desire to give, ultimately my big heart. I can’t let that happen.

I am better today and trying to figure out what I can do to bring myself happiness apart from others. I have to find my own worth and find myself worth it. I don’t want to throw my heart away. Who would I even be without it?

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2 thoughts on “When You Just Aren’t Worth It

  1. Its really sad to see a mother crying…I am younger than you as u said that u have grandchildren and I am sending you love on Mothers Day because u have earned it.If people around u are not appreciative, they are blind. Please dont see yourself from the viewpoint of blind people , see yourself for how loving you are. I wish you get a new soul family who accepts and appreciates you . You are right in deciding to find your own worth.Once we all start appreciating ourselves, we start attracting people who like us rather than being with those who dont understand our worth. I am so sorry to hear what u have gone thru, god bless u!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Mother’s Day can be so painful to people who don’t have the relationship they wish they had with either their mothers or their children. I’m so sorry it caused you all this suffering. I hope you can remember that the value of everything you gave those young men continues to exist, whether or not they are at a place in their lives where they can be appreciative. That is, your gift and your value does not depend on their active appreciation.

    Liked by 1 person

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