This Sunday is Mother’s Day, a day that is supposed to bring love, joy and appreciation. It’s often a day of flowers, gifts, cards and even a surprise breakfast in bed. But for me, Mother’s Day is the worst day of the year. It is the day I dread the most, the day I feel the most empty.
This is what I will get for Mother’s Day from my son – just a text that says “Happy Mothers Day”! That’s it, no card in the mail or gift to be delivered. No surprise appearance at my door. I guess I should be happy at least for the text; I went 7 years without even that. Estrangement without a reasonable excuse is really a cruel and destructive act. It’s not just the single act of walking away or turning your back, the effect lasts forever, day after day, year after year. Every holiday or family moment or event, gone, empty, without purpose.
And now I have a grandchild that I have yet to see, nor am I sure I will ever get to see. There is nothing quite like a day all your own to tell you that you aren’t good enough, aren’t loved enough. I ordering Edible Arrangements to be delivered for both my own mother and my daughter-in-law. I also sent my mother a card separately. But for me, there will be nothing, not from my son anyway. I fought so hard for his rights when he was growing up. I did the right thing, did right by him. But as long as his father keeps telling lies and making up our past, and as long as my son keeps believing him, I will forever feel lonely and empty on Mother’s Day. I wish I could just skip it altogether.