I am frustrated right now and as I explain, please know that I realize this is a generalization and that there are always exceptions. Here is my question – Is there really no such thing as a “nice guy”?
I have had two separate experiences this last year that have me wondering if a guy is only nice when he thinks your pretty or has naughty intentions with you. Let me explain.
A few months ago, I was walking every day around my neighborhood in an effort to get more fit, and many times this one guy would be out in his front yard. The first time I saw him, he had stopped his lawn mower to wave and say “hi”. It was a simple exchange that left me thinking, “Wow, people in Texas really are nicer and more friendly.” We then exchanged waves whenever we saw each other. One day, a Mother’s Day, I was on a walk and he drove by to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to me. Ok, this was my first red flag because he drove out of his way to do this but okay – really nice guy, right? But then, one day I received a Facebook message from him saying how much he loved watching me “walk” around the neighborhood, complete with a smiley with its eyes bugging out. WTF? He’s married with kids! And he knew I was married because he had also seen my on walks with my husband. Suddenly, I felt very different about my “nice” neighbor. It made me feel so uncomfortable that I stopped taking walks so I wouldn’t have to pass by his house. I thought this was just some isolated incident of one guy just being a jerk, but…
Second incident – we just recently moved and so I had to leave my last job in Texas. I worked with a bunch of guys then and they were all really nice. One guy in particular was nicer to me than the others but I thought nothing of it, our personalities just kinda jived more. We kept in touch by Facebook after I left and one day he messaged me to tell me how much “they missed me” and how they wished I come back. It made feel good, appreciated. But then I got a message yesterday about how he likes me better than my replacement because I am prettier and have a better personality. Yet again, he is married and he knows I am married. He wrote that he could tell me now and not get into trouble. What? What in the hell is going on here?
What is about me that screams, “Hey! Looky here! Me! I’m willing to cheat!”? Is it the way I carry myself? The way I talk? Was I just ignorant to believe that there are truly nice guys who don’t have ulterior thoughts or motives? Or it something I am doing that I am not aware of? What ever happened to look but don’t touch, or in this case, don’t reveal?
I know this is probably just two isolated cases, but it is enough to make me doubt men who are nice to me. I have been trying to re-find my sense of humanity in this word and this just isn’t helping. Honestly, with my childhood, I just can’t help but let it seep into my subconscious that guys only want one thing from me. I know I shouldn’t look at it this way, but how can I not? It’s like an endless cycle. I used to let men use me, well not let them, but it was in hopes that they would actually love me and want me, which never happened. It was my fault just as much as theirs – but my childhood taught me that love equals sex. Thankfully, I finally learned that isn’t true, but not until after many mistakes that ripped my self-esteem to shreds.
So to all you guys out there I pose this age old question – can men actually be just friends with a woman?