Finding Validation

Enjoying the sun
Enjoying the sun

Wow, wow, wow. Something interesting has happened, something good. What is it about finding validation that allows us to finally be able to breathe freely again? To be free of the weight suffocating our chests? I have spent the last 6 years wondering how no one else in my twisted family could see the truth. But now, this morning, I discovered that my brother sees more of the truth than I ever knew – oh, let the validation run over me!

Although I am completely estranged from my two sisters, I have some contact with my mother and brother, phone calls with my mom and emails with my brother from time to time, usually those have to do with my mom. It isn’t always easy, I have to work at these relationships, still feeling a little sting of what happened years ago. Yesterday, I posted a blog entry about whether or not I should discuss what happened years ago with my mom, if it would help our relationship or hurt it. Since my brother has been closest to my mom these last few years, I decided to ask for his advice, which was a big step for me. He wrote back an amazing email that gave me that last bit of peace I so needed.

He confirmed what I thought I knew, that our mother’s mind was slipping back then, that she was getting confused with who said what and would insist on her memory of things even though she was totally wrong. He also confirmed that our two sisters had a lot of influence over her at the time, bad influence, cruel influence. Reading his words, his validation, his knowledge of the truth, it set that last bit of my guilt and confusion free. I wish he would have stood up for me back then, but I don’t hold that against him. Each of us had our own demons to battle. My brother and I came through it, stronger on the other side. I just wish my sisters could do the same. They ripped our family apart – I sometimes wonder if deep inside, in a dark place where they would only admit it to themselves, was it worth it?

 

(Image taken from Google Images)

 

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21 thoughts on “Finding Validation

  1. Validation is very important. I usually think of validation as confirmation of self-worth, attractiveness, or feelings. But with something more serious, it has to be a weight lifted off of your shoulders. =)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m so happy for you. It’s a great feeling. Seems like God is moving through the situation. It took years of tears and prayers to get my dad to be able to admit that he made mistakes or was in the wrong. It’s a sweet feeling when it happens.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Validation can provide so much of relief. I am glad that you found ease through your brother validating what you felt. It’s also wonderful that you feel that now you are not in a place in which you “need” that validation but yes, as you so rightly say – “it is still nice”. Affirming more and more of what you want to feel coming your way 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I love this post! I truly do! I’m so happy to hear that your brother validated you! When I told my mom, for the third time, what her biological son did to me, she simply sighed and asked why I kept bringing it up. She then stated, “O.k. Stacy! Maybe he did rape you. He probably did. He wasn’t a good boy, sometimes. Now, what do you want me to do about it?” She doesn’t get it. I am estranged from her and the rest of the family. My adoptive brother and father have passed, but my cousins are still around. I’m sure she has told them what she needs to in order to make me look bad. However, none of that matters, now. I have my husband and his family and they make me feel loved! Again, congratulations!!!! Blessings!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. People are slow to open their eyes. It’s great to have support. It would be better to have full reconciliation. But if your sisters are each others support system, it could take a miracle to wake them up. But enjoy the victory lap!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha – they are most definitely each others support system! These two hated each other before the family drama happened and now they are like two peas in a pod, and it’s all fake and for show. I wish they could realize that there is so much more to life than that.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. What a relief it can be to have someone see and acknowledge your pain! It is a special kind of hell to not only deal with past pain and trauma but to have those around us deny that those things even exist. I am glad your brother can provide some validation.

    Liked by 2 people

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