Fear & Health – A Double Post

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Fear. It’s one of only a couple things that still challenge me, that still rip away at my inner being and keeps me from finding true success and happiness.

For me anymore, it’s the fear of the little things. Gone is the fear of facing those who have hurt me. Gone is the fear I felt when I was depressed and in the darkest of times. Gone is the fear that my life will never have hope. I have recovered from all those things. But now, just this morning, I felt fear, a little fear – fear of having to make a business call at work.

I don’t know why but over the years I have developed a fear of talking on the phone, both professionally and personally. At work, I tense up or put it off when I need to make or take a call. I had to make a call earlier and almost put it off but I decided I have to get over that fear! There’s all these little fears that I have (phones, confrontation, social situations) that I have to get past and let go of. I know – it’s my insecurities, using my mind as a sort of torturous playground.

We will be moving to a new state soon and I will have to find a new job and that prospect scares the hell out of me. I will have to expose myself again. I have to get over the fear that someone will see me as unworthy or ignorant, even though I know I am neither of those things. I have already decided that I won’t back down anymore, won’t take something less than my skill-set just to avoid stress. This will be a HUGE step for me.

What is causing concern for me right now as I head into this new fork in the road is my health. I had an MRI and I am currently waiting on the results. I have had constant pain in the back of my head for about 7 months now (not migraine or tension headaches). I am having memory issues, both short and long term. And over the last couple months, I have developed speech difficulties and typing issues as well. With speech, I frequently can’t find my words, I use the wrong words, I change the tense of verbs, and sometimes the words that come out just don’t even make sense. In typing, I do some of the same as those but also miss letters, transpose letters and words, and space wrong. It has made it very difficult to make posts here as I have to greatly edit what I type. I don’t want the MRI to show anything but I also fear not having a reason or cause for these issues. As I look for a new job, this will certainly affect me, causing fear and anxiety.

I hate fear – it’s a terrible emotion. I would love to know how you all deal with fear.

 

 

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19 thoughts on “Fear & Health – A Double Post

  1. The mind is definitely a torturous playground! I’ve worked through/am working through fears spawn of insecurities. It’s tough! But it’s so awesome you’re facing head on. I’m rooting for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, fear is a biggie isn’t it! I’ve had my battles with it too. When I have a health issue I tend to pray for two things, the issue and the fear. Often fear is the harder one. I would say you are well on the road to wisdom in having recognised its role.
    Some years back I had huge battles with fear. It was a new thing for me as I’d always seemed to have more than my share of faith that generally kept me worry free. Then at the height of a wonderfully fruitful ministry I began to battle fear – big time! I questioned why? What had I done?
    It is only now I understand, you can’t help others if you’ve never been through it, you don’t know how to fight. I know it may not seem this way but you are blessed in this. There is an inner strength that can be wrought no other way.
    I will pray for your scan and for your healing, but also for your battles with fear. Fear is debilitating, it saps our strength, it opens the door to sickness and depression. The good news is fear is totally subject to us. We can slam the door it its face!
    Everyone’s different but there were some things that helped me overcome intense battles where I was a couple of times literally reduced to laying in bed shaking.
    1) Audio tapes- sleeping, waking, sleeping again just bathing in positive words. At that time I listened to Curry Blake’s healing seminars and Gayle Urwin for faith building humor. More recently I’d recommend Andrew Wommacks “Christian First Aid Kit” and “How to Stay Positive in a Negative World” series (he has tons to choose from.) For non believers you could research a good life coach’s audios (there are some great coaches out there!).
    2) I gleaned from these tapes a very useful ploy. I found a good Bible verse and repeated it again and again each time emphasizing a word and contemplating what it meant. For example “GOD shall supply your need.” Who? God, not man, not a job, not the bank etc. Then “God SHALL supply your need.” Shall is definite, no ifs or buts. “God shall SUPPLY etc. etc. Again non believers could substitute a motivational saying they believe to be true. This is wonderfully effective as it focuses your whole mind leaving no room for fear or worry. I find after 15 or 20 mins of this not only are my fears flown but I’m on cloud nine! lol!
    3) Cut negative influences, think before you watch/ read/ listen don’t feed your fear. ( Don’t spend too much time with negative or fear filled folks when under attack – grow strong so you can help them.)
    Well hope that might help someone somewhere. Meanwhile I pray your affliction can be diagnosed and turn out to be something simply treatable and non threatening.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow – such an amazing reply. What you wrote: “you can’t help others if you’ve never been through it, you don’t know how to fight. I know it may not seem this way but you are blessed in this. There is an inner strength that can be wrought no other way” has so much truth to it. It took me a long time to find a reason for the things that have happened to me, and recently I have come to discover that maybe I somehow am meant to help someone out there, someone perhaps far worse off than I, and I had to go through all that to be able to understand and help them. It’s the only thing that brings me peace and hope.

      Thank you for your valuable input and advice. I have been struggling with my faith, or more to the point, lost my faith. There may be a day where I find my way back but so far I have not been able to get there. But I am working on that as well as my fears. HUGS to you sweetness! You are such a wonderful spirit! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so happy it was an encouragement! I truly know how tough it is, but so worth it.
        I’ll share a little secret. Someone close to my heart is going through these same battles and every day I give thanks that because of these past battles I’m able to help them through also. I too thought vaguely it might help someone somewhere, but it turned out to be for a very critical time for one of the folks I love best in this world.
        As to faith remember even “if we are faithless, He abides faithful, He cannot deny Himself.” But for that I’d have been on the dung heap long ago! Sometimes we give up on our faith but He never gives up on us. Blessings and hugs! You are going to triumph and “come forth without even the smell of smoke!” (from Shadrack Meshac and Abendnigo’s story)

        Liked by 1 person

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