For many of us, there are moments that mark your life, moments that make you realize that nothing will ever be the same again. There comes a time when you realize our life has been divided into two parts: before this and after this. I had that moment; I know that moment.
I used to think that moment was the incest of my childhood but I was wrong, way wrong. I was still me after all that trauma. I still had dreams and hope. Nope, for me, that moment was a bright sunny day in my backyard, the day I got a phone call from my brother that marked my life, that changed my life forever.
It was just a phone call – on its own it didn’t mean much. But family separations and estrangements had begun and until that moment, that one phone call, I thought somehow everything would go back to normal and everyone would stop acting so crazy and selfish, that the events affecting my family would settle down and all would be right with the world again. I had that hope of my child within. But then the phone call came and I realized nothing would ever be the same again, I would never be the same again. My life had instantly been separated into before the call and after the call, before the estrangements and after the estrangements.
It’s funny, my father and brother could molest me but it didn’t change me, it didn’t mark me forever. Well it’s not funny and it did mark me, I just didn’t know it yet. But the experience of my family and my son selfishly and unfairly turning their backs on me marked me forever, it truly changed me and who I am. For 6 years I thought it marked me for the worse but I am now realizing it may have marked me for the better. It’s all in what I choose to do with it – if I let them kill me inside, then it marked me beyond hope, but if I let it all go and make my life my own, then I am marked for the better.
Would I go back and change everything if I could – absolutely! But the world doesn’t work that way. All I can do is take who I am now, change the things I don’t like, emphasize the things I do like, and try to give that little girl hopes and dreams again. She deserves it – I deserve it – YOU deserve it too.
That was my moment, my mark – do you have a moment?