A Life Without Scars Is Hardly A Life At All?

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“A life without scars is hardly a life at all.” I don’t know who said this or where I heard it but it really made me stop and think, enough that I wrote it down for future contemplation. I don’t know if I agree with it or not and I wanted to get everyone’s opinion.

As someone with too many scars to count, I actually feel like I never got to live, not in the way I should have or the way I deserved anyway. There are so many things I have not done because of my scars, countless things. There is so much life I have not experienced out of fear. In complete avoidance and insecurity, have I really been living?

I try to imagine the opposite – a childhood without abuse, a family without trauma. Do families with financial wealth, without scars, with freedom to do whatever the please, are they actually living?

Obviously everyone is living life; it’s just different for each of us. Can someone without scars truly understand life though? If everything is handed to you, can you truly appreciate it? What I can say is that scars and traumatic pain have given me an understanding and empathy for other people that I don’t think I would have without my scars. I have had to work for everything which has given me an appreciate for what I have, even though I still long for others things. I don’t long for more so much as longing for things to just be a little easier.

So, “A life without scars is hardly a life at all.”  Hell if I know! For some reason there is just something about this that makes me want to not agree with it. I think that is my bitterness showing though. Even though I have start the healing process, I still have a lot of bitterness and anger inside me. I know that my scars have made me a better person in may ways, they have made me appreciate certain things more. But I sure don’t feel like I am living yet.  So far I am just coping and sometimes still avoiding.

What do you think, my friends?  All opinions from all walks of life are appreciated.

 

 

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26 thoughts on “A Life Without Scars Is Hardly A Life At All?

  1. For me, my scars made it so that I kept searching… until I found what is underneath this living life stuff. I kept searching past all of the usual things like doctors and therapy to the strongest healers I could find that would share with me. It’s interesting that people without so many scars are really not so interested in what I found. That is interesting to me. It is those that have that deep pain that can hear. I have lived through abuse and illness and separation from my family.. and it is tender. I wouldn’t trade where I have ended up.. though I still have these tender places. So I have found my pain and very difficult and painful journey led me to this place of real peace and awakeness to life… even though I still have pain. It’s hard to put into words. So I write little poems. ❤ I really can't imagine being in the world without this deeper awareness I have gained. And it wasn't about reliving traumas.; once I found a little different path of healing. xx Laurie

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    1. And see I think you put it into words perfectly. Maybe it’s because I just happen to understand. I think you are correct in saying that those without many scars just aren’t interested, or in instances I have noticed, just think I am weird. Although I hate what you have been through, I also love seeing and knowing people who have been to hell and back and come out better on the other side – I hope it gives hope to others.

      You know, I wouldn’t go back and change much. Had I not went through such things, I would not be the person I am now. I might have had less pain but I also think I would still be the confused and unsure person I used to be. I am thankful for how the pain helped me be so much more caring and allowed me to help others.

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  2. I agree. Scars make you appreciate what you do have. It’s too easy to take aspects of life for granted, and without hardships we may do just that. I do appreciate what I have, although even then it’s still easy to get sidetracked and not be truly thankful. But each time I see my scars it’s a reminder of the times I’ve been through, and makes me appreciate the good times even more. Whether emotional or physical, scars are a sign that you have truly lived through things and have endurance. Take care Sarah.

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  3. I completely agree that a life without scars is not a life at all. In 21 years of my life I have suffered through dissociative fugue and currently under treatment for epilepsy. That goes out to say I definitely know what scars are. Most you have referred to scars as your bad or traumatic memories. Well irony of my life is having no memories at all of some moments of my life and those are my scars. I have been told about things I have did to myself and others in the state of amnesia and trust me the feeling of getting to know about your own actions from others is worst. Waking up at entirely different place from where you were last. Finding yourself on bench of some park when you wake up are traumatizing and scary as hell especially when you are a teenager.

    Having said that I would like to add that we are humans we evolve we adapt and get better from our mistakes. Gradually I developed a habit of noting places I go to and things I do at regular intervals in a day. Being a creature of habit I did the same in the state of amnesia which helped me. If it weren’t for such scars I would have never learned it. Life is all about experiences and getting better than yesterday. If we wouldn’t have fallen we would not have learned to walk. Similarly life might have been bitter to us we might have faced worse things than others but that makes us smarter, more empathetic, more enduring, stronger, better in every possible way than rest of the pack. Ask yourself can something which breaks others emotionally break you that easily? Do you feel the same amount of pain on being slapped or punched as the person on whom it is inflicted for the first time? I might be wrong but I am proud of the scars I have and they inspire me to go through any hurdle coming in my way. They are the proofs that I have strength to emerge out to be victorious after fighting anything and everything.

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    1. Oh honey – hugs to you! Although mine is a little different, I also have memory loss. Mine is just blocks of my life/memory gone, both the good and the bad. If I let it, it can drive me crazy not being able to remember much of my home life between the ages of 6 and 16. I have to work to just let it go and if someday I remember, then I remember but I can’t fight it anymore. I have to look forward.

      “life might have been bitter to us we might have faced worse things than others but that makes us smarter, more empathetic, more enduring, stronger, better in every possible way than rest of the pack.” Wow my dear – this is so very insightful and real. I have just recently discovered this for myself and found it to be so true in my life. I am so proud of you for being able to do that. I know what it takes to see our own strength. You are amazing – hugs to you!

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  4. I think scars show that you lived. It shows you went through something, experienced something and you are still here for a reason. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are a survivor.
    I also believe that becUse of my life I am more empathic to others. There is a quote from the song “heart song” by kb. It says something like we need the bad to appreciate not being in it. We have overcome it. It has grown us. It has changed us forever. But I think depending how you look at it, you can embrace what has happened to you and make huge beautiful Changes from it.

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    1. Oh how I love your reply – you are so correct. “I think scars show that you lived.” Yes, I agree entirely when put this way. I guess what life we make after all the trauma if what defines us and our lives. Thank you sweetness! 🙂

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  5. Such food for thought. Since my trauma started before I could process real thought, it’s as though I can’t differentiate the scars from real life. I’d love to be Mary Sunshiny and say that my scars have made me a better person, and they may have. But I just don’t want them. This was so thought provoking.

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  6. I don’t know how many of my blogs you’ve read of mine, but I’ve talked a lot of about bullying by some girls. (This is relevant, I promise.) In my life, I’ve had a variety of different ‘bad’ experiences. They have shaped me. Like, having an abusive ex in my teens and early 20’s, it taught me a lot. It took me how to stand up for myself, what I didn’t and did want in a relationship, that I could survive a lot. That I could be strong. (Just an example.) When I got really, really sick and some of those girls abandoned me, they’d never had anything ever go wrong in their life. They’d never lost anyone. They’d never suffered. They’d never had a bad relationship. They’d never, ever had anything bad in their life. I think, partly, they couldn’t relate, understand or empathise my suffering. They couldn’t get why I was sick and wasn’t getting better, and they had no empathy for it. The longer I didn’t get better, the more of a problem it is.
    So yeah, I see what you’re saying. I make decisions all the time based on ‘fear’. Maybe I’ve missed stuff they haven’t because no one’s made them feel like they can’t (including themselves). But I think that people who have “scars” are better at empathy. They’re stronger people. They understand life is complicated. They’re less likely to pack up and leave you when the going is tough.
    Scars define us. Sometimes, scars define us for the worst. I think your strength will define you for the best.

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    1. Wonderful reply sweetness! It’s exactly what I was trying to say and quite relevant. I think people with scars understand people and situations better. I really do hope that your and my scars define us for the better. I fight the bad a lot but I have also come so far. I have lost friends that I was too “heavy” for and it’s like you said, they never really faces true trauma or tragedy and they had no clue how to deal with mine and they ultimately walked away. I guess they weren’t true friends after all.

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      1. I agree. True friends, no matter how long you’ve known them, stay by your side. No one decent will leave you for things outside of your control. But I truly think your scars will define you for the better – even if, at times, we can’t always see that (I say we, because I can’t always see that for myself, either). I wish you the best of luck! 🙂 x

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  7. Very interesting, I have had these thoughts also.. cause I have sometimes felt life has given me way too many painful experiences and not so much “luck”, or barely any at all, really.. you speak of bitterness and I can relate strongly to that. I think bitterness is a natural reaction but a harmful one that we have to fight.. cause a wound festering is also a natural thing, but hurts us even more in the end. I try every day to fight against bitterness but sometimes it is all just so tiring and then I feel as you do, like “hey, can things start to get easy any time soon? Any time this decade would be fine for me, universe!”. 😉 We are doing the best we can with what we have, I think. Stay strong, friend.💜

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    1. I am glad someone else truly understands. I, as well, fight it every day, usually with fairly good success, but certain days really try me. My post today will be about that – it’s been a terrible week and it’s bringing out emotions I’ve held in for too long. Hugs to you dear friend! You stay strong as well! 🙂

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  8. I don’t think anyone has a life without scars, whether they are visible or not. We all get battered by our journey through living, from school bullies, to bereavements and sickness. Then there are the awful traumas a family goes through, or a child. I don’t believe it is possible for anyone to get along without any of this.

    That said, I think there are those of us who have become victims. We are scarred by the transgressions of others. Our sense of self has been so damaged by the violence done to us in our early life, that these scars are harder to heal, harder to bear. For me, I do battle daily to survive. I don’t live. I just push through and it takes a massive effort every single day.

    Going back to that quote, I think it means that to live fully, we must make ourselves vulnerable, and that means we get hurt. But every now and again, we take that risk and the result is incredible. Scars are a sign of the battles we have fought, and even those we don’t win we take so much learning from.

    I’ve got a lot of physical scars from self harm. I’ve often wondered whether if I could I would go back to before they happened, so I wouldn’t have to live with their marks on my skin. Instead I’ve chosen to wear them. They’re part of my story. They speak of what I’ve never been able to give voice to, and sometimes I love them for that.

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    1. Oh, how I love your strength. “Going back to that quote, I think it means that to live fully, we must make ourselves vulnerable, and that means we get hurt. But every now and again, we take that risk and the result is incredible.” This is the perfect way to explain it. Very well said my dear. See? This is why I wanted feedback – it’s wonderful to get other people’s perspective and to learn from that perspective. Value yours scars as they symbolize what you have survived, they symbolize strength and courage. HUGS to you!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks. I love to get people’s feedback and to give mine too when someone writes something thought-provoking like this. So thank you. I’ve been travelling all night and you helped get my jet-lagged brain firing! x

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