I just have to say that life sure is throwing a lot at me right now. I guess at least I am in a better place to deal with it, at least I think. I posted my personal letter to Santa last week, about being in desperate need of a Christmas miracle to fill my heart again. I got that miracle but it is slowly being taken back away.
After the death of our dog, I swore no more pets! I just couldn’t go through this pain again. But then my husband started talking about getting another dog someday, like a few months from now. After feeling the emptiness in our house, I started to come around to the idea. But then, we were downtown shopping and we came across an adoption center outside one of the stores. We looked just for fun, thinking there was no way they’d have the specific kind of dog we would have to get (my husband and step-son have pet allergies, so we have to have a non-shedding dog). But damnit anyway, there in front of us was a little 2-year-old white maltese/terrior mix, such a precious little girl. When I held her, she melted into my arms. We almost adopted her but then realized we were still so very much in grief and we shouldn’t make such a commitment out of emotional grief.
Over the last week though, both my husband and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. It was hard because she had been abused previously and we thought we could make such a difference in her life. Somehow, and looking back, I’m not sure how, we went back over the weekend and adopted her. At first, I was so very happy and felt like she was my Christmas miracle! For me, having her with us helped the grief I was feeling for our lost little Scottie. But my husband, having little Kylie around made his grief far worse; it is too much a reminder of Scottie. On top of that, she is very much a mama’s girl ( we think a man abused her) and she is so very scared of my husband and step-son. We think that even if she comes around, she will never be the playful little dog my husband wants and needs. And with realizing all that, my Christmas miracle is fading away.
We’re not sure if we should keep her or not. My husband is feeling his allergy around her, but we’re not sure if it’s just Kylie or because she was around 8 others dogs before we got her and she just needs a bath. We will bathe her and see. If he does turn out to be allergic to her, we definitely can’t keep her. If it turns out okay after giving her a bath, than I am still not sure if keeping her is the right thing to do. I think we (I) am right for her, to make a different in her life, but I am not sure she is right for my husband, and I have to consider both. I do know that giving her back will be tough for me. But I can’t think about just me in this situation.
And so, this Christmas week, this decision is what we are faced with and I don’t know what to do…