More passages from books that have touched me:
Him: “You need to let yourself feel. Feel it, own it. Then move on.” Her: “You make it sound so easy.” Bitterness drips with each syllable. Him: “It’s not. It’s the fucking hardest thing a person can do.” (Falling Into You) Well, that pretty much sums it up! So simple yet so difficult. Letting myself feel again has definitely been one of the hardest things I have ever done.
“We could make believe that things were fine. But things weren’t fun and would never be again” (Sleepers) This book deals with sexual abuse and I can tell you that once innocence is lost, things never are okay again, at least not in the sense of how life would have been without the abuse. But we can make a new life, a stronger life.
“All that was left was the strength of our spirit, and I knew it wouldn’t take much longer for that last part to go.” (Sleepers) Oh man, I know this one too well – see my spirit was broken. And once that goes, life is dreary and hopeless. But you have to make it through. We all have worth and we owe it to ourselves, and nobody else, to find it.
“They are cries that change the course of life, that trample innocence and snuff out goodness. They are cries that once heard can never be erased from memory.” (Sleepers) Enough said!
“I don’t have much to say to mom and dad, except I wish you’d tried harder with me. Loved me as I was, instead of judging me and trying to fix me, and then just giving up on me.” (Falling Into Us) This happened to me not in childhood but as an adult. Outside influencers pulled my parents away from me – a difficult thing to forgive.
“The only way past the pain is through it. You can’t escape it. You can’t ignore it. Pain, grief, anger, misery…they don’t go away – they just increase and compound and get worse. You have to live through them, acknowledge them. You have to give your pain its due” (Falling Into Us) This is the best advice I can give anyone – this passage! I was finally able to do it but I wish I could have done it earlier than I did. Swallowing pain only makes it worse – trust me.
“I become nothing more than a vessel for the tears that won’t stop shedding.” (Hopeless) This makes me sad, because I know the pain behind it and I have felt this way about myself through the years.
“I was someone else before I was me. A girl I don’t remember. A girl that cried a lot. A girl that isn’t anything like who I am today.” (Hopeless) Sigh… sometimes I hate reading words that are too much me.
I am going to bold this one because it is that important: “I’m suddenly feeling like I’m completely different people, wrapped up into one. Someone who doesn’t know who she is or where she belongs and it’s disturbing. I’ve never felt so isolated in my life; like there isn’t a single person in the entire world I can trust. Not even myself. I can’t even trust my own memories.” (Hopeless) This is when it is at its worst – questioning my own memories, not even trusting myself. I am further along in healing than this now but it would be easy to fall back into it. I have to stay strong…
“Everything I thought I knew has been a lie. I don’t know who’s in on it or who knows the truth and I find myself without an ounce of trust left in my heart.” (Hopeless) This has been the outcome of the family estrangements in my life.
“Looking out the window at the brick wall is how I feel when I view my own life. I try to look to the future, but I can’t see past this moment.” (Hopeless) This is me right now in many ways; I can’t see past the grief of loss.
“You need to be proud of the fact that you survived everything you went through as a child. Don’t separate yourself from that.” (Hopeless) I never thought of it like this but I think I need to.
“It is bad enough to be a scared, lonely child. But even worse than that is becoming an adult with the same scared, lonely child still living inside.” (The White House Boys: An American Tragedy) More true than I can willingly admit…
“I will never forget what adults are capable of doing to a child.” (The White House Boys: An American Tragedy) I can’t comment on this one – it hits too close to home.
And this is a good one to end on today: “It is not only sad what I missed from the world, but it is also sad what they missed from me. I had so much to give to a world that had forgotten me as a child. I’m giving it now, for the child I was.” (The White House Boys: An American Tragedy) It is never to late to find who you are and create your own life! If you can’t do it for you, do it for the child you were who deserved it but had it ripped away. Give that child back her/his worth.