Sometimes, I Just Don’t Understand

I don’t have thoughtful words to share today but rather questions and confusion. Sometimes, I just don’t understand grief, or rather I don’t understand how it affects everyone so differently.

With everything I have been through, I try to always be understanding of others, to be compassionate. I know that everyone reacts in their own way to trauma and tragedy. But watching it play out sometimes makes understanding difficult.

Tonight marks 2 weeks since that terrible night with my precious little doggie. We received his remains and urn back last Friday; I cried all the way home. There’s thoughts in my head that I do not want – I know what is in that urn and it kills me to think about it. I thought the pain and grief had started easing but these last two days, it has regressed.

When I found out my son’s paternal grandpa had passed away a couple days ago, I felt sad.  I didn’t really know him but he was a good man and I felt for my son and even for my son’s father. I almost felt bad for all the grief I am feeling over a dog when they lost a person! The things is, the day after my son’s father posted on Facebook about his father’s passing, he was re-sharing posts, about Star Wars, funny comics, etc.  And then today he re-shared a comedic and foul-language laced video of the audio from a scene in the movie “Full Metal Jacket” dubbed over a scene from the classic TV show “Rodulph The Red-nosed Reindeer” – it totally defiled such beloved characters from my childhood! That was irritating but what actually got to me was that the very day after losing his father, he was ‘liking’ and re-sharing funny things on Facebook.

Now, obviously I have no idea of how his father’s death is affecting him, maybe the whole Facebook thing is his way of coping. All I know is that in the first week after my dog’s passing, I had no desire at all to be on social media. I was in pain and all that kind of stuff felt so meaningless compared to losing someone I loved so very much. So I guess my question is this – if that’s how I reacted over losing a pet, how could my son’s father be playing and joking online just one day after losing his father?  Although I remain compassionate, I just don’t understand.

It’s okay to admit that we don’t understand something – honesty is an amazing thing after all. I just wish I could understand. I guess grief is a very personal thing. If we all love differently then I guess it follows that we all grieve differently. When my father died, it was a different time in my life – the family drama was at its height and I had shut down my emotions. I was angry with my father before he died and then angry with him for dying. I have come to learn though that I was really angry with myself. I didn’t really experience my father’s death – wouldn’t ever let myself emotionally. I sometimes wonder if the family drama took place so that I would be emotionally distant, that otherwise my father’s death would have killed me.But I would hate to think that’s how the world works.

When i think about, I guess it seems terrible that I grieved more for my dog than my father but there were so may circumstances at play with each. Maybe that’s how it is for my son’s father as well.  Maybe he is just at peace with it. Maybe he just doesn’t feel grief as deeply as others. Maybe I can understand after all…

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Sometimes, I Just Don’t Understand

  1. My mom died when I was 15. My dad when I was 17, so I was technically an orphan. I relate to death much differently than most people & I relate to it differently now as an adult. I’ve learned everyone responds differently to the grieving process, and in their own time. Some people never grieve, some never stop.

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    1. “Some people never grieve, some never stop.” Wow – I think that is actually quit true. You obviously have been through a lot. Our dog passing brought back some grief from my father’s passing 4 years ago. I never truly grieved for my father; there were lots of circumstances when he died. My heart is with you! HUGS!

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  2. Dogs do not alienate, people do.

    If you are a decent caring human being you will be caring to all animals including humans. I despite being punished every day by my Daughter in law yet still feel a little sad for her. Despite all the specialists saying she has no mental health problem, I know she has. For you see no decent Parent would torture another human being through P A unless they were mentally deficient and to put inocent Children through the pain of an absent Parent and the Parental Family they cannot be normal or decent.

    Again if you are a decent Family and you have a dog or any pet you will treat the animal as a loving Family member. I live on my own and after the death of my dog I had the same pains and feelings as when I lost my beloved Parents.

    Please make no mistake that any form of alienating someone destroys their heart, body and soul as alienation is a cancer that rots the fabric of Society. I was in Court twice this week fighting with other Family members to seek contact with my Granddaughter it wash our 54th and 55th time in Court. The Mother of my Granddaughter may have turned up at Court say six or seven times resulting in continual rescheduling. We recenTly put all the Christmas presents for the last five years away in a room out of sight and realised it was not worth buying anymore presents until we have contact. To let you understand all the costs to date to seek contact has resulted in we have no money left to buy the poor we soul any presents.

    It is seen my Sons wife is not ill but sadly we are now all ill. I went into this fighting like a Lion, I took on all commers and one a few battles. In fact all so called Child Protection agencies new they were in a battle as they are still licking their wounds. I ask myself why is it that P A is built on foundations of lies? It took me a few years to understand that all so called professional agencies lie to cover up their incompetence. In my Granddaughters case I, yes only me has approached matters honestly and professionally.

    No doubt we shall see more lies and cover up as we are about to enter early in the New Year some mystical process as a PROOF. A proof is nothing short of a type of Lucky bag, a game if you like, a game of chance where everything is loaded against the decent caring Families who know all about love, pain and heart break.

    I go into next year not as the King of the Jungle but as a tame wee frightened kitten with a little energy for fighting, for you see this once proud King of the Jungle is now a broken Man. We have a chance of winning, only a chance. That is not down to all the previous Solicitors, in fact I am suing the last one for cowardness for abandoning a Child. My Families only still in there due to our young Solicitor, yes we have had fall outs and also due to a very special Lady Practitioner who has had great success in treating our Grandchild.

    Our Practitioner I believe requires no introduction as if you are involved in P A and you have read up on it this Lady could be described as the British inventor of the antidote of P A, bless her for she is the saviour of Children. If like my Family you have done your research you will know the great Lady who I am talking about. She has taken our Family by the hand and removed us from a minefield of sin, greed, incompetence and sheer unadulterated fantasy and lies.

    Please everyone think of my inocent Grandchild, please deliver the energy for the Sheriff to see the truth, for the Sheriff to see our love for our wee darling girl. Please give us the energy for to remove my Sons pain and for a wee Girl to be able to turn around and say these words. HELLO DADDY I HAVE MISSED YOU, I,LOVE YOU DADDY WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THE LAST FIVE YEARS. DADDY IS MY MISERY NOW OVER, DADDY I LOVE YOU.

    I have no more energy to say any more other than would these words not be the most beautiful words to come out of our Granddaughters mouth. Think on everyone as someone who happened to be a Doctor fighting to have contact with his Children told me me this week, ” P A is at epedemic proportions” Yet Politicians fiddle as we are destroying Childhoods.

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  3. I am a person who is known to half of the people in my life as really practical and rational and to the rest as highly sensitive and emotional. I did not grieve at my grandfather’s death. Rather I am a person who grieves a lot when I get a hint of losing someone (not necessarily on event of death) but hardly grieve when i actually lose someone. Some people even refer to me as heartless, cold hearted and rude. Grief is inevitable and that is a fact and how you face it is the truth. Truth and fact are not the same things.

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  4. It is very interesting when you think about that he chose to share specifically “funny” videos. Now unfortunately I have not read much about this person previously. But in my experience it can be just as euphoric…. said up here. Running away. I’ve also experienced that people who seem more superficial or not so “deep”, (or even don’t have deep feelings at all, like a narcissist etc), seem to have this coping style of “joking” away difficult events. That does not have to be the case either. I know my father, when my grandfather died, did not speak of it at all. This was not due to not feeling anything, but rather he was a man who grew up in a an old-fashioned small town where men weren’t supposed to “show feelings”…

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    1. I can understand both of those reactions. He is actually a bit of a narcissist and also caused parental alienation between my son and I, so maybe he does fit that mold you write of. I guess more than anything it just took me by surprise because I feel things so deeply, too deeply sometimes.

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      1. I understand where you’re coming from. I am lile that too, I feel very deeply aswell. I recently lost an older relative of mine, and I thought some other people’s behaviour around that was a bit strange. But I thought to myself, sometimes we just can’t understand everyone, even though we have a lot of empathy. Hugs 💕

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