“One loss triggers another.” I heard this yesterday and it really resonated with me. Loss usually means a death but in this post, loss to me means loss of ourselves, through abuse, bullying, etc.
Loss of any kind damages our complete psyche – our soul, mind and spirit. Now add on loss after loss, one upon another, and that psyche goes beyond damage to broken,cold and lost. When I look back on my life and see all the loss, I have to take a moment and wonder what part I played in all of it. Yes, I was most certainly a victim, but being a victim, feeling like a victim, did that cause me to act in certain ways that perpetuated further loss? I have to say – yes, it did!
Think about it, if my sisters and I hadn’t been molested by our own flesh and blood, we could be totally different people. They may never have developed selfishness and I may never have become so weak and insecure. The loss of our innocence led to the loss of our relationships later on in life. The loss of our innocence molded us, each in different ways, and it pitted us against each other as adults. One loss triggers another!
As well, had it not been for their ruthless actions a few years ago, I would still be close to my mother and son, instead I have felt the loss of both because my loss distanced me from anyone who could hurt me. And with all my loss, I have become somewhat hardened and distrusting of others, in essence I am experiencing the loss of relationships I could have. One loss triggers another!
With my father, he was molested as a boy, his loss, and then in a cruel twist of fate, he molested me, my loss. Someone molested my brother and then he, also, molested me. More loss. One loss triggers another!
I had never looked at it this way before but it makes so much sense. How much more loss are we creating by the losses of our pasts? Obviously, we can’t control certain things that happen to us, we can only control how we react. Or rather, we can only try to control how we react – it is not an easy feat. But I want to keep trying! I want to allow good things into my life, if I can just let them in instead of being paranoid or pushing them away. I need to stop triggering more loss if I can. Is it a change of attitude, change of lifestyle, change of line of thought? I don’t know right now – maybe a little of each. I can’t change much of the past, if any, but I can try to allow myself to set the past losses free and look forward instead of back. The loss of my dog hit me hard but I will not let it take me down. I just need to not let it harden me any further.
Are your losses triggering more loss? It’s something to consider…