I Remember When…

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I posted a while back about large chunks of my childhood memory/life missing. I heard someone say that when you are down or low or confused, you should start with “I remember when…” with good memories. So simple, right? Well, not necessarily, but I am willing to give it a try. I will try to do this in regards to my home life and my family, as I remember everything from school and church, just not from home.

I remember when (before the age six before my memory blocks)…

..Thanksgiving was spent at my grandma’s house. After the meal, my dad would lay on the floor to rest his overfull belly and he would fall asleep and snore. I always looked forward to my grandma’s home-made apple and pumpkin pies; the pumpkin pie I would slather with Cool Whip.

…we spent Christmas Eve at my grandma’s house as well. She always had a stocking hanging on the Christmas tree for her dog, filled with toys. Her dog was white and her name was Trix and she knew the stocking on the tree was for her but she waited until it was given to her on Christmas day.

…my grandma would watch me after school and I would color while she watched her soap operas. Sometimes she would let me walk to the store to buy a candy bar.

…my grandma would always prop me up on a pillow in her car so I could see out. I remember she always had Kleenex and a tiny trash bag in her middle dash.

…one Easter at my grandma’s house, one of the eggs was never found and stunk up the backyard after a while.  I found it weeks later by one of the poles of the swing set when I stepped on it. (I just realized that the good memories from that period in my life where all at my grandma’s house – I can’t remember anything from home).

I remember when (ages 7 – 16 during my memory blocks)…

…I got a little play kitchen for Christmas one year.  I don’t remember opening it but I briefly remember it being in the hallway and my playing with it. I remember loving that present.

…throwing up the night before a trip to Disneyland (I threw up when I got excited back then).

…playing with friends, getting caught where I wasn’t supposed to be by my dad.  We roller skated down the neighborhood further than I was supposed to go. When I saw my dad in his truck heading our way, I had my friend sit on top of me thinking he wouldn’t see me – he did.  I have to laugh about the mind of a child in that instance.

…getting my hair done for my brother’s wedding and loving my little dress.

…decorating the walls at Christmas with tinsel garland.

…walking to the convenience store. Exactly $2.00 would get me two candy bars and a can of soda.  I would search the house high and low to find that $2.00.

The sad thing is, that’s it – that’s all the good things I can remember from my home life. Everything else is either a blank space or a bad/sad memory. It used to bug me, the not being able to remember. But then I realized that I need to concentrate more on my present and my future than on my past. Only bad can come from blocked memories resurfacing, at least that’s what I believe for me.

Doing this little exercise though, I got to smile a little at some of the good memories I hadn’t really thought of in a while. I think that’s the point of it – to realize there was some happiness in there somewhere and that we can have more going forward if we just allow it. Please try to remember when my dear friends. 🙂

 

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11 thoughts on “I Remember When…

  1. We also concentrate more on the present and future than the past; going as far as to treat the past ans an illusion and the future as what we must reign over, at least so far as maintaining coherence within.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m not sure scars are invisible, and I’m not sure about healing from the outside instead of at the bottom. But I know everyone is different in what they experienced, how old they were, how bad it was, what it did to them, and how they cope and grow. Blessings on us all.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You are completely correct. That’s why I try to be understanding of others – I have no idea what they could have or could be going through. I hid my darkest times and suicidal thoughts so well that not even my husband fully new the extent of my pain.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Bad memories are like scars. People say they “heal over and you’ll never see them”. Well.. they never heal completely and they’re always within sight. We just have to do the best we can to live with them… and try not to look. Blessings.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I have a habit of focusing on the bad things, when there really were so many good memories tangled in between them. Remembering the good times helps us overcome our sadness about the past. I try to come to terms with those things every day, but if I remember the happy times it helps the process enormously… =)

    Liked by 2 people

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