You Are More Than You Know (Suicide)

Sometimes I read posts of others that break my heart. I have read a few posts here and there about not wanting to live anymore, wanting to die. This breaks my heart more than words can say.  I have been there; I have contemplated suicide. I was at such a low point in my life, so many people had hurt me, people that were supposed to love me the most hurt me the worst! Nothing anyone said helped – I hated all that “positive”crap people tried to tell me, as if simple words would lift me from the pit and bring me back from the edge.

It saddens me because there is always someone out there that cares, whether we can see it or not. I have seen what someone’s suicide has done to those left behind and it is tragic. Yet at the same time, I know and understand the pain and loneliness that leads to suicide. I know how hard it is to break through that shell. No one broke through mine – I had to break through it myself. I had to realize that I had value, a value I needed to find in myself, no one else was going to release it for me. I think for me, I wanted to prove to everyone, to the world, that they wouldn’t break me, they wouldn’t get the best of me – I was NOT going to let them win! That’s where my power began, where my strength and courage began to grow.

Please, to anyone with those thoughts in your head, please reach out, wait and reach out. I am hear – I understand – I care! And I am willing to bet that others do too if you just let yourself try to see it, to see past the pain blinding your eyes. I know it’s hard, I KNOW it! We all have value in this life, even if we aren’t aware of it yet. I found mine and I can tell you that I am so happy that I held on. Please hold on! HUGS!!!

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24 thoughts on “You Are More Than You Know (Suicide)

      1. Exactly. Many of these mass shootings are by troubled people misunderstood by their family. Anyone who resorts to violence has problems. Problems that more love, attention, or corcenr may have prevented. It is sad. And it was another good post.

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      2. Thank you! I often wonder if mental issues are physiological or mental, or even both. I think with the shootings, I have to believe there is something amiss in the brain that allowed them to do it. My life has been hit from almost every angle but I never reacted in violence against anyone. Such a complicated and complex subject.

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    1. I hope it touched you in a good way my friend. I know that pain can feel so very heavy, too heavy sometimes. I guess that with me stepping back from the edge and making it to the other side just gives me a different perspective now. Pain can still suffocate me but I know now that’s not all there is to life – we just have to get through it.

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  1. I agree that suicide is never the answer, but I can see why people think about it. It ends all the pain and suffering they may be going through. But enduring is the true test of this life; we are meant to endure, not meant to give up. I see people going through rough times, and really admire them for not choosing the “easy” way out. It says so much more for your character to endure those rough times rather than escape from them. Besides, they often don’t think about the pain they pass on to family and friends if they take their own life. It should never be an option. Thanks for sharing your feelings Sarah.

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    1. I agree with all you have said here. I think it’s just that sometimes people can’t see there own ability to endure. Honestly, one of the main things that stopped me was imagining the pain it would cause to my loved ones and friends, leaving them to the misery of always questioning what happened and what they could have done differently. My other reason was that there was something inside of me that ultimately chose to fight – like I wrote – I wasn’t going to let the bad people win!

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    2. I would respectfully disagree. I myself consider it to be a cowardly step but it is never easy. It is a stage where your pain outweighs your rationality and I can say that because I have been at the receiving end. I have lost someone so close to me and I know how difficult it would have been to make such a decision for such a rational person.

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  2. I just wonder how can you be as sweet and as kind as you are. I have been through bad phases and depressions myself but never thought about suicide considering it to be cowardly always. I felt the same about people preaching me positivity. i became more practical and more tough about things .. Exactly opposite to what you have become. My emotions made me weaker and hurt me, I cut loose the effects because I can’t obviously cut loose the feelings. How can you do what you do without being hurt or without being tough on yourself?

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    1. You know, that’s really a good question. I still hurt sometimes and I am still way too tough on myself as I built such a tough yet yet weak exterior over the last few years. I think we may be more alike than you realize. I’m not sure I can really give a good answer. I think I have to believe that there is a reason I went though everything I have, that somewhere int he future it will come in handy and allow me to help others, to understand others and offer a sense of support that have not yet found. I have to believe that my strength will take me somewhere, to a place of hope, a place different then where I have been.

      I will be honest, there are times I still doubt, still swallow and hide pain. I don’t think you can change those things overnight; it’s a process. I think that how I try to be now is what I wish someone had been for me. Does that make any sense?

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      1. That makes a whole lot of sense. I have been there. But nowadays I get afraid in lending a helping hand because I feel that it will make me more emotional and eventually I will have to suffer. I have lost a lot suffered a lot due to my selflessness and now whenever I try to be one my selfishness alarms me. Do you have something to guide me about it?

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      2. Well, I can say that it is much easier for me to lend a helping hand on this site than in person. I have a hard time trusting in person and I have some social phobias that limit me as well. But I can usually see or sense a person in pain; sometimes you can see it in there eyes. To those people, if they are strangers, I try to just offer a smile and a hello in passing, just let them know someone sees them and cared enough to smile. To people in my life, my estranged sisters for example, the ones who ignore me in my presence, to them I still say hello. I won’t stoop to there level. I have to live by my own standards. I hold back to sometimes my friend, but I try to remember that I have to live for me and reaching out gets me hurt, at least I did what was right. Oh, and I don’t call it selfishness that we feel when we pull back, I call it self-preservation!

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      3. I don’t understand this logic of not stooping to their level. Rather I believe to keep your home clean you need to get your hands dirty and there is no harm doing it. Crap deserves to be dumped though there could be consequences but if it is not good for me shouldn’t I get rid of it. self-preservation is considered selfish by most people. I don’t know what I am doing is correct or not but after reading your blog I just wonder about how strong you are and how will I be able to carry myself?

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      4. There is no correct or not correct. We all have to do whatever is best for us. As far as not stooping to their level, that is just something I won’t do – it would make me no better than them and my actions no better than theirs. I guess we just have to choose what we can live with.

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      5. Well, I don’t know if it is guidance, just my understanding of things, my experience in life. I feel I can’t really blame anyone else for how they react to things; we all act differently based on what we have been through.

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