We Are Never In Control

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“The key to life is understanding that we are never in control.” This is a hard statement to accept when you are person that craves, needs control! But I think the statement is true – we can control ourselves (to a certain extent) but we can’t control others, we can’t control chance, and we can’t control spontaneity. We certainly cannot change the past – that’s for sure.

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If you think about it, if we can accept that we are never in control, then it’s harder to be let down and easier to accept things as they happen, good or bad. This is coming from a control freak perfectionist by the way. 🙂

What is control anyway?  Isn’t it basically just saying that we want everything to go our way? Well, life isn’t like that. We can’t all have control at the same time. It seems like many times I have tried to control a situation, it just gets out of hand anyway and I end up frustrated and down on myself. Why do we do that to ourselves? It’s simply not worth it if we want to get any kind of enjoyment out of life.

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So how do we do it?  How do we let go of control? I’m not sure how to answer this. Honestly, I have been trying and it is not always easy or just. I’m trying to see when something is and isn’t my fault, especially since I usually take everything so personally. I’m trying to give others the benefit of the doubt or at least trying to understand the reasoning behind something, the background, the underlying drive beneath the surface that no one can see. I guess I am just trying to be more aware and understanding. Can you imagine what this world would be like if everyone could do this??

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We do however have to be in control of our own words and actions and take responsibility for them. We each have responsibility in this world – how we take charge of that is what truly defines us.

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20 thoughts on “We Are Never In Control

  1. There are some good ideas here, (I’m referring to the last image above, not your earlier observations) but I have recently gotten on the “Free Will” bandwagon, which holds that our unrecorded “adaptive unconscious” plus our preconscious, often fueled b y emotions (see “Out of Character” by David DeSteno and Piercarlo Valdesolo) leave us seldom in control of our thoughts. I do want to add that I love your light, folksy, down-home writing style.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would say we cannot control the thoughts that pop up in our mind at any given time, however we can control our reaction to them. Often instead of letting emotions and thoughts come and go we are inclined to dwell on them and turn them into something much more than just a thought or emotion. And with some mental work and training, I do think we can turn negative thoughts into more positive ones. First by becoming more and more aware of the affect the negative thoughts have on us, then by slowly retraining our brain to reword those negative thoughts into something more positive. My therapist has indicated that speaking to ourselves in third person can help because we are less likely to abuse someone else as we are to ourselves. So “why did you do that, you are so dumb sometimes” could easily become “you did the best you could in the situation” or “Sarah did the best she could”. I know third person is kind of weird, but I have noticed I am kinder to myself when I try that tactic. Long story short 🙂 I do not disagree that we cannot control our thoughts, rather our actions after having them and reaction to them.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I completely agree my dear! It takes practice and man am I trying. It’s like re-training a whole thought process. Somehow, for me, letting go of control kind of helps me control the bad thoughts, lets me see things a little differently.

        When my doggie started having seizures during Thanksgiving, I caught myself starting to say to myself, “Well of course it’s on the holiday – that’s my life – that’s the way it always goes.” But I caught myself doing it and put that thought out of my mind. There is no way that fate decided to DO that to me on purpose. It was just bad timing. So see? I am making some progress! 🙂

        Like

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