This is something that has been on my mind lately. There was a time, even a little sometimes now, when I wish I could just runaway from everything – literally! Take off for a while by myself and leave everything behind, do what I want to do.
A couple years ago when I was at my most unhappy, in my deepest and saddest place, I considering doing just that – running away. But alas I knew I couldn’t; I was an adult after all, with family and responsibilities. I would have lost my job, put my husband in a bad place and I would have had to go back someday and face the backlash.
My stepson is 24 and still lives with us. That same couple years ago, he asked if he could take off for the week to go see friends a couple hours away. We had issues with our little doggie, who needed constant supervision at the time, so we told him that he couldn’t go this time because we needed him to stay with the dog while we were at work. I should note that my stepson is a good kid and hardly ever goes against us or gets into trouble. But this time, he took off anyway, leaving my husband and I in a bad situation with our dog. It was a long week.
I remember thinking to myself – how nice it must be to be able to just take off and runaway. My stepson later said that he was depressed and needed to get away. Well, I was depressed too but I couldn’t just run! No, I am an adult and can’t do that. Honestly, my stepson is an adult by age but not emotionally or even mentally. And since he wasn’t working or going to school, he still had to abide by our house rules. Hell, I think I actually envied him a little.
Even now, when things get tough, even just the little, normal, everyday life things, I wish I could run away. I know I can’t of course but oh how I daydream sometimes. I think we all must wish this to some degree, we all want time away for ourselves, we wish there were do-overs, we wish we could see what life would have been like had we made different choices. But we can’t – we’re adults.
Does anyone else ever feel like this?