I realized something yesterday – in my quest to get healthier mentally, I have let go of my physical health.
Prior to my son’s wedding, knowing I would have to face all those who have hurt me, I really took care of myself: I ate right, lost weight, kept care of my skin. Since the wedding, I have let all that go. I have gained 10 pounds back and I am so not happy with myself about that. Binge eating is getting the better of me again. The things is, the junk food I am eating doesn’t even taste good anymore and yet I keep eating it. I feel gross and almost ill after eating it and yet I keep eating. Since the wedding is gone and done, I have lost any primary motivation – I have gotten lazy.
I was taking care of myself to show everyone else I was just fine, but now I have to realize that I need to take care of myself for me! I have to realize that I am worth my own love. I can’t keep eating myself away into depression and self-loathing. I have to take control and start taking care of myself, taking time for myself, caring about my own health.
I am happier when I am thinner, exercise, keep with my beauty regimen. Why is it so easy to just let all that go and throw it all away? It is psychological of course and I need to overcome that. I have finally dealt with all the family trauma and now I need to deal with me, the me inside, the me that wants to shine instead of hiding. I have to be my own motivation. Who’s with me?