Parental Alienation

I am so very mad right now. I don’t watch Dr. Phil’s TV show but it happened to be the channel it was on when I turned the TV on. The subject matter immediately caught my attention: a mother has been telling her daughter for 16 years that her father molested her when she was a toddler.

The father denies it. The police found no evidence of abuse. Schools and peers believe the abuse didn’t happen and that the mother, instead, was making things up or making huge exaggerations. Okay – it had my attention! The father took a polygraph, administered by a well-known ex-FBI agent considered the best at giving and interpreting polygraphs, and he passed with flying colors. It brought the father to tears of relief. When Dr. Phil asked if he was glad the public finally knows the truth, the father said that he didn’t care about that, he only cared about his daughter finally knowing the truth.  In a moment that both stunned and saddened me, the daughter sided with her mother still and stated she knows her mother isn’t lying to her. Her mother then took a polygraph and failed.

I guess this touched a nerve with me because I ended up in tears, tears for the pain of the father and tears for the pain of the daughter. Parental alienation (turning a child against another parent) is tragic! My son’s father did this to me, not by using accusations of abuse but by lying about me over and over again to our son. And just like the daughter above, when finally faced with physical proof otherwise, my son still believes his father.

Don’t these people realize that by using their child to hurt their ex, they are also hurting their child?? It is such an unnecessary pain, such a cruel pain. Lives are being ruined! And as someone who was molested as a child, it makes me livid when people falsely accuse others of this.

I wish it was easier for children to see through the lies, to see the parent that actually does care. They are being robbed of relationships they deserve, relationships that will never again be the same, lives that are forever changes, all due to someone else’s selfishness and insecurity.

For any children and adult children of parental alienation reading this – my heart is with you! I know it can be difficult to know who is telling the truth. Try to go with your heart while also considering logic and common sense. And for the alienated parent, those like me, press on my friends. We can only do so much before having to accept how things are, for now. We have to hope our children eventually will come around to and realize the truth. Until then, realize that you deserve a life, deserve to live and find joy where you can. I am with you!

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21 thoughts on “Parental Alienation

  1. That is terrible – both the Dr Phil story (that poor dad, I feel devastated for him) and for your story. It’s a shame about your son; but I guess sometimes it’s easier to believe lies than the truth, maybe? And maybe that’s the same for the daughter? She’s been told for so long something it’s become a part of her identity. I don’t know. But I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you. I can’t imagine the pain and desperation you would feel (wanting a relationship with your son). I hope someday he realises the truth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I actually do believe that for some reason, it is easier for most people to believe lies and not believe the truth. There is nothing worse than telling the truth and having no one believe you. I have been there many times with my family and son. And shame on the adults who aid in the alienation of a child from a parent. Who does that??

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  2. It is hard for kids who live with psychological abuse. My ex will tell the kids things that I do (bad things)- the kids know the truth, but they can’t grasp that a parent would lie. Keep reminding the kids of the truth that is seen, heard, felt….ask questions about the falsehood so that they can figure out the truth for themselves. We have a pp that is like 60/40. My ex still wants 100% of the time. It has been 3 years, and he is still bashing.

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  3. It reminds me of the movie Parenthood. One of the characters says, “You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a parent”.

    It is so true. And the havoc these terrible parents inflict on their children is immeasurable.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It is a sad situation indeed when parents put their own needs and interests before their children. To alienate a child from a parent or parent purposely and falsely is a crime against children and needs to be taken more seriously in the Courts. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A lifetime of pain is created by vengeful adults playing their twisted games. It is tragic to witness and even more so to be a pawn in one of their games.
    I was blessed enough to have parents who did not want me to grow up having to choose. My crazy aunt was a different story. I started having strange flashes of memories from long ago in my late twenties. They came and went so quickly that I couldn’t see who the perpetrator was. Little did I know of the destruction that would be caused by confiding in my aunt. She proceeded to tell me that my dad was the perpetrator. My father and I lost seven long years together because of her lies. Turns out, it was my maternal grandfather in those pictures. I instantly became homeless. After all, I was living in my dad’s rental property. Even though my father and I reconciled many years ago, our relationship remains a tad bit strained. This incident caused him great pain. We have never been able to figure out why my aunt did what she did.
    Parents, relatives and friends, PLEASE think about how your choices will effect your child before you make them a pawn in your game of revenge!
    Thank you so much for bringing this subject to light.
    Would it be okay if I shared this? I am new here and unsure of the protocol.
    Leah

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Leah – you can definitely share it! It needs to be out there more. I am sorry for your pain and your loss, and it IS a loss in many ways. You are right – the relationships can be repaired but they can never be the same. I hope that someday my son and I can be close again but it will never be what we once had. Neither of us deserved to have that taken away from us. I hope for continued healing between you and your father. HUGS sweetness!

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      1. Oh my gosh – where are my manners? I am so sorry I forgot to put the most important sentence in my previous post. I am so very sorry for the agony you are suffering. It is just beyond cruel to destroy that necessary bond between mother and child. I pray for an end to the suffering of both you and your son. Even though he hs sided with his father, I truly believe he feels deeply conflicted in his soul. I do believe that eventually he will see through the hogwash his father has been feeding him. You are in my heart and my prayers.
        Thank you for allowing me to share your message. It is powerful and heartfelt. It is also CRITICAL that we help divorced/divorcing parents see the damage they will be causing by placing the child in the middle.
        I am also grateful and happy that you chose to not give up on life after everything you have had to deal with. You are an inspiration to me and many others I’m sure!
        Thank you for sharing your story with us.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so much! The support I have received has been overwhelming. Thank you for your kind words of understanding and encouragement. Mutual support is such an amazing and necessary thing. 🙂

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