I swear I need to give up social media. Haha. No matter how far you come, how much you grow, how much you let go and move on, something on social media will always take you aback. Maybe not a step back, but a mental beat back. Allow me to explain…
Anyone who has been reading my blog for a while knows that I am completely estranged from my sisters and I have only minimal contact with my mother and brother. Maybe not so much minimal contact as a distance has just grown, literally and figuratively. My sisters have me blocked on Facebook, which actually kind of cracks me up since I have no interest in their profiles or their lives and haven’t in some time. It does show however that they still care, in the sense that they are still wrapped up in their own drama, their own games. Anyway, their husbands did not block me so I can see when my lovely brother makes a reply to one of their posts.
Well, I guess yesterday was my sister Sandy’s wedding anniversary. Sandy is the one that found a husband with some money and it turned her into a material-loving snob. He plays emotional games with her but as long as the money is there… So, yesterday her husband made a post about loving his wife, Happy Anniversary, yada-yada-yada. Well, my brother posted a thank you to this man for making his sister happy and for being a good man. Wow – that’s all I could think as I shook my head.
Two thoughts came to mind: 1) she can’t be that happy is she is an adult playing the ignore game on me. How happy can you truly be when you are all wrapped up in creating drama? 2) Her husband is not a good man. I know some of the mean things he had done and said to my sister before the estrangement. I remember all too well the phone calls from her when she was in tears. He is a controlling and emotionally abusive man. But that is all behind closed doors. My brother of course would never see beyond the “happy” pictures posted online and the fake smiles covering inner pain at family gatherings. It is so easy to create a great life online. Hell, I appeared wonderful online even though I was dying inside.
My brother’s post didn’t make me mad, didn’t hurt me, it just made me roll my eyes. I so don’t miss being part of all that fakeness. Those kind of things used to hurt me, pierce my heart a little, but I have grown past all that. Now, I just realize how much we don’t really know about each other, my family members that is. They believe the happy posts, take them as fact. But it’s a mask! And no one will ever be truly happy or find the deeper truths until all the masks are removed.
I have removed mine but will anyone else?