And The Award for “Most Pathetic” Goes To…

…my sisters!!  (Roaring applause)! Come on up here girls!  “OMG, we can’t believe it!  We’d like to thank our kids for blindly believing whatever we say.  We’d like to thank our brother for not standing up to us.  We’d like to thank our mother for being so easily swayed.  We’d like to thank Sarah’s son for not questioning our motives when he should have known better.  But most of all, we’d like to thank Sarah, for without her, we never could have used her to placate our miserable lives and pretend we were happy.  Thank you, thank you all!”

Haha – I’m sorry – I couldn’t help myself! But it is so the truth of it. What they did at the wedding just proved their ignorance and showed how truly pathetic they are. So after the ceremony it was reception time.  I was quickly faced with probably the hardest decision of the afternoon – to sit with my family or not. Sounds like a simple question, right? But it’s not, it’s not at all. That one decision could change my entire life – it could keep my life on the same unsure and stressful course, it could undo whatever strength I had left, or it could move my life forward and allow me to finally let go! I chose the latter!

My husband asked me what I wanted to do and at first, I said I didn’t know. I felt frozen in place. But then something began to emerge inside me, something good, something strong. I looked at my husband and said, “Let’s do this!”  We walked over to the table where my mom, sisters, niece and nephew were sitting (the good nephew that had hugged me earlier). I walked up to my mom to ask if the empty seats were taken and my nephew’s wife, who was sitting next to my mother, asked if I would like to sit next to my mom. She unknowingly made it easy for us to sit at that table. Bless her untarnished heart!  Then, in a crazy instance of clarity, I looked at my husband and mouthed, “Watch this!” I walked around to my sisters, who were completely ignoring us, and I touched each of their shoulders and said “Thank you girls for coming!” You would think I had burned their skin with how quickly they each pulled away. Sharon looked out the side of her eye and wouldn’t even look at me let alone say a word. Sandy looked up at me but also wouldn’t say a word and then they both turned away. I laughed inside myself and then stepped over to my niece, Sharon’s daughter, the same one who had used me years before. I said ‘Hi, Hailey” and she said hello back but that was about it. I then went back to sit next to my mom and husband.

In that moment, I was filled with pride and contentment. I had looked my fear in the face and not only did I not run, I faced it head-on and I did so in a positive and civil way. My sisters on the other hand were acting childish and pathetic.  Here’s the thing – if you don’t like someone or disagree with them, fine.  If you never talk, fine.  But at a family event you should be able to put it all aside and at least act civil. Apparently, my lovely sisters were incapable of acting civil.  Hell, they were incapable of acting human! I guess since they acted this way at my dad’s funeral, why would I expect any better at my son’s wedding?

So, of course, they only took “family” photos on their phones when I was called away for the wedding photos. But that is just so typical, nothing surprising at all. The amazing thing to me was that when my mother needed anything, she always asked me, not either of my sisters. So there I was, once again, being the one to make sure my mother was taken care of. Amazing how as much as things change, they also stay the same.  How my mother nor anyone else noticed my sisters’ antics is beyond me. Perhaps, sometimes, people just don’t want to see. Anyway, while we were eating dinner, in the awkward silence between my sisters and I, I made another spontaneous decision – I wasn’t going to let them get off scott-free with such despicable behavior. I decided to be the bigger person – I looked at Sandy and asked about her husband who didn’t attend.  She looked over at me with a look of pure disdain, pure irritation. She spat out some disapproving comment and went back to her dinner.  I so wanted to say something like, “Geez, sorry I asked.”  But I was not going to bring negativity into my son’s wedding. I wasn’t going to be anything like my sorry sisters.  I just went back to eating and talking with my mother and nephew. I don’t know if my mom noticed but I hope she at least caught that I was trying, trying to be civil, trying to engage my sisters.  But even if she didn’t, it was one of the proudest moments of my life! I chose to be the bigger person, chose to show my strength, chose to face my fear and step out into the light.

They ignored me and my husband the rest of the night – it was quite the immature display.  It was hard to imagine that two 47 – 51 year olds’ could be so childish. It made me realize what a good person I am. Honestly, I am the victor here!  Not in their diabolical game, but in life. I’m not the one playing games; I’m not the one so miserable that I need to bring others down. Honestly, it isn’t even about who is right or wrong, although that is clear – it’s about being mature enough to be able to put your crap aside for the benefit of others, in this case my son and his new bride. Hell, to even put it aside for my aging, mentally-declining mother. It’s about knowing when you aren’t the most important person or thing in the room. My sisters can’t say they are any of that – but I am!

I left that wedding with a newly defined vision of myself, of my life, of my future. I can finally move forward and let go of the pain of the last six years. But that my friends, is a post for tomorrow. Thank you ALL for your support as I have gone through this.  I can’t wait to write tomorrow and let you know about my new outlook and my important realizations.

 

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6 thoughts on “And The Award for “Most Pathetic” Goes To…

  1. Sarah, I read your blog but have never left a comment. I have some similarities to your situation with my ex-sister and estranged children and all I can say, is be very proud of yourself.

    I know exactly what you went through to be the better person. Isn’t it amazing how far you have come and how much you have grown as a person, whereas they are stuck right in the same place you left them – in their fake-world pretending to be happy whilst being unkind and cruel to others? Projection at its purest!

    I salute you brave lady!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow – you just made me feel really good. Thank you! I’m sorry you know this type of ridiculousness. It’s so unfair when it is truly undeserving. I really like and took in what you said about my sisters still being in their fake world. I would love to actually quote that sentence in a new post. Would you mind? I think it is powerful and quite accurate, something I wish I had truly realized a lot earlier. I guess the good thing is that the wedding made my see it and realize it and that made it so much easier to move on. Exhibiting and seeing my own strength and courage also helped bring my self-conscious onto a newer plane. Thank you for reading my blog! I hope you stay with me! You have all my support in what you are dealing with. HUGS!

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  2. I is great that you have made this experience. One thing I had the urge to tell you days ago, reading your previous blogs is that the change comes from within. It is only our state of mind that defines how we perceive things. Now you have found your own reply and it is so amazing reading the lines you have just written. It is a totally new tone and it suits you well.

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    1. Thank you so very much! I also have known that I had to find it within myself – it’s just insane how hard it is to actually do it! Sometimes timing is the difference, other times the people. For me, I think it was facing all my fears, all at once. It wasn’t a choice though; the wedding kinda put me in that position and I am so glad it did. Without that wedding, I don’t know that I would have found myself yet. I have to say, seeing my sisters again along with how they acted almost made it easy. It defined once and for all who they are and re-instilled in me who I am. The parts of me I thought I had lost were there all along, just hidden under all the crap and self-doubt. I had to SEE everyone, face them, to find my strength.

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