This post is one of a sudden realization – have I been lying to myself? I have been happy for a while now, not perfectly happy but happy with where I am at and what my life has become. I have a certain acceptance of the estrangements in my life. I have lost weight and become healthier. With my sons’ wedding approaching, I know I will see him and the rest of my family – I will be faced with everything they did to me – faced with the lies and what they think of me – I thought I had it all under control. But as that wedding draws ever-so-near, I find myself binge eating and drinking alcohol to numb the anxiety. My dreams have become nightmares, occurring nightly – my family rejecting me over and over again. Stress is weighing on my health and my body. This all tells me that I do not have it under control – I just haven’t been faced with it like I will be at this wedding. I guess the alcohol, more than anything, brings true feelings to the surface. I hope I have the strength to make it through this. And if my sisters have found this blog and take joy from this post, then it just proves the monsters they have become.