“Cut”

“I’m not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile frame aged
With misery
And when our eyes meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I’m tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn’t be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don’t want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I’m tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
I… am… not… alone…
I am not alone

I’m not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I’m tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut”

     This song has always meant a lot to me and I choke up every time I hear it.  It helped me through some of the worst times. I don’t know what she means by “cut” but for me it meant hitting rock bottom and being able to rise above it, to realize I have worth separate from all the pain, to be able and willing to find myself again.
My two favorite lines:
     “These scars wouldn’t be so hidden if you would just look me in the eye” – how much better our world would be if everyone could see beyond brave-faced exteriors, see passed the fake smiles that hide the pain inside, if people could realize that many of us have survived unimaginable things.  Sometimes, that one brief smile or simple hello could make all the difference, just to know someone looked into ours eyes and cared.
     “With crippled anger and tears that still drip sore, a fragile frame aged with misery” – nothing could ever better describe the pain I felt and feel in dealing with the incest of my childhood and the family estrangements.  Sometimes there are no words – but these words say it all.
     Hugs to all my fellow survivors!
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