What If They Find my Blog?

I have been asked how I would feel if I found out that my family had discovered my blog.  I guess my first thought is – if the truth hurts!  But the truth is – they would never admit the truth. The things I got right – well they would  be too self-centered and feel too almighty to ever admit their wrongs to anyone, least of all themselves.  And the things I may have gotten a little wrong – well maybe if there had been ANY communication, if they had not totally cast me out, maybe then I wouldn’t have had to question certain things and let my imagination fill in the blank spots.  The thing is – the pieces I had to fill in, I came to those based on logic and based on some sort of action or inaction on my family’s part.

I know what I have done and said and I know I didn’t deserve their wrath.  I’m sure they, my sisters at least, would say everything I have written is straight out lies and they’d probably make something up as to what I did, but I know the truth and that is all that matters. Yes, there are things I could have done differently, said differently. Perhaps I could have not taken it so hard when Sandy hung up on me and not been so hurt when she stopped talking to me. Perhaps I could have explained every little detail of what happened to my parents.  Maybe that might have changed something.  But then I would have been trying to be Little Miss Fix-It – a position I was tired of holding, a position I shouldn’t have had to hold.

I matter!  Let me say that again – I matter.  It took me a long time to realize that.  So let them find my blog – let them look at themselves in the mirror – it won’t matter.  They will still be the same people – selfish, insecure, fake.  I, however, have become strong and comfortable with who I am, even a little proud of the person I have become.  I have overcome so many terrible obstacles in life and I survived them all.  And now I am in a position to try to help others, to say no one is alone!  The wonderful irony here is that what my family has done to me did not break me after all – it in fact made me a better and stronger person.  It’s the stuff great manuscripts are made of!


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